Week Two Assignment 1: Fiction Revision (Creative Writing Draft Revision)

Continue work on your fiction draft this week. Utilize the comments from the professor and your peers to develop, clarify, add to, and revise your fiction draft.

When you submit your Revised Draft on Sunday please highlight all of the changes you implemented between your draft and your revision so as to clearly demonstrate the adjustments that occurred as a result of the revision process.

Assignment Requirements:

This assignment should be a minimum of 1000 words in length, using Times New Roman size 12pt font and double spacing
Submit the assignment no later than Sunday 11:59 PM EST

 

 

Hello Drew

Thank you for the opportunity to review your creative work.  I am a fan of the fantasy genre and always appreciate the idea of exploring new words and characters.

In your work of fiction here you do introduce quite a few characters right off the bat and establish the setting and the setting and protagonist of our story in the very first line: “King Author ruled the kingdom of Power.”  Several more characters are then introduced (the family of King Author).  As a reader, I am left wanting to know a little more about the family of King Author. Have you thought about adding some details about them (tall, short, generous, vapid, etc.) to help further develop them as characters?

You did a good job of establishing a setting and laying the groundwork for the main conflict of your story with the exposition that describes the process of succession in the first paragraph. This really helps to give the reading a framework to view some of the reasoning behind the actions of the King’s Uncle Zest.

After reading about the succession process and the monarchy that rules the kingdom of Power, I am left wanting to know more about your setting.  One of my favorite aspects of the fantasy genre is it’s ability to create fantastical and wonderful worlds.  Is there more you can tell us about the Kingdom of Power to help establish the setting?  Is it an agrarian society or an industrialized one? Is magic prevalent in the world or is it the purview of a few powerful witches and wizards?  Are there magical creatures that roam this world or does it parallel our own?

While you spend a good deal of time describing the actions of Uncle Zest, I am left wanting to know more about him as a character. You mention “Zest did not get an opportunity to kill his brother,” Why did he not have an opportunity?  Had he tried and failed in the past?  Zest’s motivation for seeking the crown is established early on when you said “Zest was filled with lust and jealous of how the whole community, including his wife, praised the King.” What factors of his character or his past led him to be this way?  Is Zest the older or younger brother to King Author? Is their relationship estranged or friendly? What was their childhood like? As a reader I would love to get to know more about their relationship to help further the characterization of both of these characters.

As the plot progresses the King and his guard take off on a journey to a far away land.  This would be a great place to build on the setting of your world.  What sorts of places did they discover? What did the landscape and terrain look like?  What did the Guards talk about on the journey?

The way I read the story, the King turning into a Monster seemed to be a symbol of some type. Is there a way that that could be worked in to the plot in some way to greater exemplify what that symbol is meant to represent?

The events of your Plot seem to lead to a climax where the King is poisoned and becomes a rampaging Monster.  There is a lot of material after the King becomes a monster and the final resolution, where he is cured in the last few lines of the story.  Have you considered a longer build-up to becoming the monster? That might be a good time to further develop the King as a character, which could cause the readers to be more emotionally invested in him both prior to and after his change into a monster.

I think the scene where the King is going through the change into a monster has some great imagery there, HIs limbs growing, fangs protruding and such.  I think that is an area where you could go even further to describe what this monster looks like, sounds like smells like.  That idea seems like a really fun place to really get descriptive about the setting and other characters involved.  How do the others react to seeing this monster that the king has transformed into? Other than running away in terror of course.

The resolution at the end where King Author is finally restored is another part of the story that I feel has a lot of opportunity to expand on.  How did the King’s wife and the Elders find the Witch? How did they force her to heal the King? How did the King’s family and all the others around him feel about him being restored?

Thank you for the opportunity to share in your creative work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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